“You’re only as old as you feel”, says the popular phrase — but what if I feel exactly as old as I am?
Being 29 is fascinating. For once in my life — I strongly feel that I’ve got a totally clear and conscious view of my past, present and future. I see our parents, glowing youthfully; I see our friends having babies, struggling to find babysitters and free time. These babies are making me feel really old, as if a whole generation just spurted up and planted my feet back in the sand. I feel that time is running out — the last few minutes of “us” time, before either the corporate or the familial wall of responsibilities close in on us from both sides.
I feel 1000% alive and active, fully grown, mature, with all of my braincells and joints in prime condition, ready to storm the amphitheater with the my personal equivalent of a grand-ambition symphony, to shake the foundations, to do something unheard of; I look at people in their 50s-60s, meek and helpful, cheerfully distilling their own thoughts and I, respectfully, just want to come out swinging. What do THEY know about the present — just lots of stories about the past.
And yet, what do I know..? I’ve just got a lot of energy. I just want to turn this world upside down because obviously it’s never been done. Soon enough, God willing we’ll have a baby who’ll try to turn my home — one I’ve been trying to scrape together, all of my studio gear, instruments, adapters, coziness, boxes of records, — upside down, for the same exact reason, not trusting that I’ve ever learned or felt how to live. Clearly, I’ve barely retained anything from pre-school Math..
Let’s pray for more energy, let’s hope I’ve retained from my parents an unflinching forgiveness, empathy and love.
In the mean time, back to dreaming dreams.